I know, I thought of writing all about ingredients used in doing my soaps and soap products, but then I came across this somewhere and it truly touched my heart.. I had no words... Wish all men are this ...umm sensitive.. caring and loving!!! "SOULMATE" 

“Why do you love me?” he heard her whisper in the night. He closed his eyes, a tear forming sure to stain his pillow.

I love you because I do. I love you because the Universe showed me the way to you. I love you because my heart beats your name, my mind drowns in your eyes, my soul feels yours even when we are miles apart.

I love you because I have no choice; I didn’t ask to love you. I didn’t need to love you, but I love you just the same. My arms aren’t filled unless you’re in them and my thirst is not quenched unless you are the drink.

I love you because I feel comfort in being out of my comfort zone with you by my side. I love you because every cell of my body responds to your touch, to your look, to the way you move and the way you sound. I love you because something, somewhere, directed me to you.

It was my soul and you are its mate.

Through the paths we have taken to one another, I have loved you. I’ve played in comfortable places among comfortable people until I had no choice but to leave there to come to you here. I battled the gods themselves and faced the raging storms of hell until, one day, the clouds parted and your eyes met mine.

I waited, impatiently, for you until that shock from my heart announced your arrival.

I know you are scared, my sweet Angel. I know you feel the pangs of fear and the dread of a journey of which no arrival is guaranteed. But I promise you this: when the demons come I will stand strong with you at my back and you will be protected. When the brimstone comes raining from the sky I will shield you until each storm passes. When the swine and malcontent arrive, I will fight them and when the battles are over and the storm clouds are gone I will hold your face, look into your eyes,and you will know why I love you.

SOAP MAKING

Life moves so fast.. Come to think of it, it just feels like this happened just yesterday...oh no no, it was a few years ago...and like this life moves on.. So many things happened since the last time I penned. Sister got married, Made new friends, few friends moved places, few have kids, many new things learnt, so many old things forgotten..few deliberate few just passed...Meanwhile I took up a new interest- "SOAP"

I started making soap and thoroughly enjoying making so many kinds. Life seems interesting with this new hobby. I have always been interested in "chemistry" aa aan it isn't just the chemistry of relationships but the science.

I like the very fact that chemicals bond and rebond giving birth to new bonds.

I was just browsing through looking for information on chemistry, also, on painting and paints. i was on lookout for hobby classes. I'm actually getting quite bored sitting at home after sister's marriage. While flipping through the pages I found an interesting link to soap making. I hadn't the least idea of making soaps at home. I always thought it was factory made. booom! here I'm making wonderful soaps and people who use it are all praises. Feels nice...

That's how I got the idea. I flipped through few chemistry books contacted few people and had the inherent urge to do it.

Its been a while practicing and trying it out on every other person I meet. Initially it was quite overwhelming to find a lot of information and options to begin with. Gradually with all kinds of trial and error I can now say I'm happy with the outcome. The feedback received from people I try it on encourages me to do it a lot...

I also tried my hands on bath salts and bath bombs. Tried it on myself, family and friends and their friends and the circle just grew. Superb reviews on it. Each time I made it, it turned better. Its amazing...

Now, I have begun customizing it according to need and requirement.

I love the goat milk soap for my skin and my family's. It feels very smooth, nourished and radiant. Its another thing I have been blessed with good skin, touch wood ;-) but to take care of the blessing- this helps!

 Soaps

Bath Salts

Bath Bombs

Many people ask me what exactly is bath bomb? How to use it:

Most importantly its sheer fun and very relaxing. You'll start enjoying your daily routine bath and it would no more be a routine but an experience in itself whether you are 2 or 92 years.. Bath bombs fizz and foam, dissolving in a flurry of color and bubbles within 2-4 minutes, depending on the size of the bomb. Some bath bombs also change your water to different colors, and children will LOVE the fragrance and the whole experience.

Guaranteed Soft skin : The ingredients in bath bombs gives your skin a massaging effect, soothing it by scrubbing off the dead skin and making it smoother and softer. It softens the water in which you are taking bath and hence the water becomes more gentler on your skin. My customers after using the bath bombs compare it to silk. A customer said "my skin feels like silk after using your mini bombs"(she used her term-mini bomb for bath bombs  )

It is a good moisturiser Bathing in hot water can rip your skin off of essential oils and make it feel dry and scaly. Our bath bombs have special natural ingredients to keep your skin moist and radiant by nourishing it.

Fragrance: who doesn't love to smell good and people love being around others who smell nice. Bath bombs keep you fresh and you smell wonderful all through the day. Bath bombs make your whole bathing experience a fragrant one.. Your bath room too shall smell good after you leave it... It enhances your mood and keeps your fresh. The bombs soothe your senses, the fragrance soothes your mind.

Tightens skin and influences the mood.

I highly recommend you use IVORY bath bombs to know more benefits. I recommend you use IVORY bath products as they are very natural and chemical free. They are made of all natural products and are free of parabens, no phthalates, and no yucky stuff that your skin will hate you for..

Bath bombs also have therapeutic effects on mind and body. They please all your senses and relieves you of your daily fatigue and prepares you for your busy day.

Also, it gives you a feel of luxury. The luxury of indulging and its something you do for yourself and that would make you happy.

Using IVORY product your skin will fall in love with you over and over daily... Please try one out, and let me know about your bath bomb experience! I look forward to hearing from you.

How to use them?

 Just drop one bath bomb in your bucket of water or if you use a bathtub you can add up another bomb. It shall fizz in 2-3 minutes. Sometimes changing the colour of the water. They have a great color and smell...hmm...and they tend to look slightly granular up close. get into the bath tub or use the hot water from the same tub you added the bath bomb. Enjoy the wonderfully relaxing fizz of the bomb!

The truth

Being single is not bad at all. In essence, it doesn't really mean you’re incomplete. But there are just those times that you’ll feel lacking. Those times when the nagging feeling of needing to have a certain someone creeps up at you. There are those hard to avoid moments where you realize you don’t have someone to inform about how your day went, you have no one to stay up late with, you have no one who sends you sweet messages, no one to share your crazy thoughts to, no one to spend simple and special moments with, no one who understands and accepts all your quirks, and you have no one who tells you “I Love You” at any given time of the day. It’s not that much about the loneliness or the fear of being alone. It’s more about trying to reconcile yourself with the fact that out of billions of people in the world, not even one person fought for the right to be with you.

“Excellence: Skill or Attitude”

A real life story that inspired me to quite an extent and I came to believe in the message it conveyed~ We mostly do things for people around us and their to build on their views on us stop! We live once and its for OURSELVES. (i don't mean to say be selfish, but living life satisfactorily.We need to be satisfied with out own lives, No one can give it to you except you; You know what you are, others would only see and hear what they want to, you cannot change it, so be contempt with your life, be happy not for others but yourself!)


A gentleman once visited a place under construction where he saw a sculptor making a statute. Suddenly he noticed a similar statute lying nearby.

Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same kind?"

" No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."

The gentleman examined the statute and found no apparent damage… "Where is the damage?" he asked.

"There is a scratch on the nose of the statute," said the sculptor, still busy with his work.

"Where are you going to install the statute?"

The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.

"If the statute is that high, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.

The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I know it and God knows it!"

My derivation of the message conveyed~

The desire to excel should be exclusive of the fact whether someone appreciates it or not.

Excellence is a drive from inside, not outside.

Excel at a task today – not necessarily for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction.

Remember, "Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude." – Ralph Marston

Choose Happiness: The Road To Mastery

One of the books I include in my litany of sources for this blog on happiness is “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch.  If you are unfamiliar with this book or story, Randy was a professor at Carnegie Mellon University.  He gave his last lecture, a tradition amongst professors, a few years back.  For him it truly was his last lecture as he was dying from cancer.  He passed away a few months later.

He shares a story about his football coach who was a very tough but fair man.  One day, after an exhausting practice, one of the assistant coaches said to Randy, “Coach Graham rode you pretty hard today, huh?”  Randy agreed.  The assistant coach continued, “That’s good.  When you’re screwing up and no one is saying anything anymore that means they gave up.”  And so it is.

Dr. Stephen Marmer who defined the 4 stages of life – Dependence, Mastery, Big Fish In A Little Pond and Small Fish In A Big Pond.  Pausch’s story speaks on Mastery.  We may not always appreciate the long practices, the push ups, the running, the coach or mentor or colleague barking at us to spur us on or the long court proceedings.  We would prefer to do it at our own pace, on our own terms.  But the silence of our own will is sometimes deafening.  We need to be challenged.  We need to hear some things which make us uncomfortable.  Ultimately, we need others who care enough about us to focus more on doing good for us, versus doing nice things in order to gain our affection (boy this sounds familiar!).

In an interview, near his death, Randy said that sometimes you leave the field and the score is not in your favor.  You know that you really gave it your all.  The other team was just too strong.  He ended by stating that even if he was not all that important, “I had my hour.”

Our road towards mastery is pock marked with failure.  This is necessary.  Here lies growth, maturity and progression towards the ‘big fish’ stage where your ‘hour’ may come.  Stay patient.  Stay focused.  Stay strong.

Stay Happy My Friends

Choose Happiness: Love Is Not A Pie

When you give love to a person, it does not diminish the love you have left to give to others.  In fact, the more you love another, the greater the love you may have for a greater number of people.  For love ensues love.  In essence, the more you love the greater your ‘love pie’ grows!!

As an example, for those parents with children, they do not love their first child less when the second child was born.  Or if you only have one child, your love for your husband, family or friends did not diminish with the birth of your child.  Love is boundless.

There are things in our lives which are like a pie – money and time, for example.  Time is limited to the number of hours in a day being set for all.  No one gets any more or less.  A brilliant observation made by a woman is that women tend to associate attention with love.  Since attention can only be given with the time we have, therein lays the problem with men as we try to understand a woman’s need for time.  Being aware of the other gender’s perceptions is better than half the battle to a good relationship.

The Beatles got it partly right.  Love is not all we need, but it is certainly a significant factor in increasing our happiness and helping us to make others happy.

Stay happy my friends!

10 Secrets to Fulfilling Relationships

   1. The first secret? the power of THOUGHT.
      Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires.

   2. The second secret? the power of GIVING.
      If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship, ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

   3. The third secret? the power of RESPECT.
      You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"

   4. The fourth secret? the power of FRIENDSHIP.
      To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other’s eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love’s seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

   5. The fifth secret? the power of LETTING GO.
      If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me – today is the beginning of a new life."

   6. The sixth secret? the power of COMMUNICATION.
      When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word – it could be the last time you see them! If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and … why are you waiting?

   7. The seventh secret? the power of COMMITMENT.
      If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.

   8. The eighth secret? the power of PASSION.
      Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

   9. The ninth secret? the power of TOUCH.
      Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

  10. The tenth secret? the power of TRUST.
      Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.

A girl's message-

If you see me walking the road with someone else
It’s not because I like his company
Its because you’re not brave enough to walk
beside me.

If you hear me talking about him all the time
Its not because he pleases me
Its because you’re too deaf to hear my
heartbeat

If you feel me falling with someone new
Its not because I love him
Because you’re not there to catch me fall

If you feel lost, I too am nowhere
I too don’t know where the road is going
Are we gonna cross each other’s path
Or just completely turn around?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound

Don’t let me walk with him
It’s you I want to walk with
Don’t let me talk of him
It’s you I want to talk with
Don’t let me fall for him
It’s you I want to fall in love with.

“HOW THE GUY REPLY”

When you thought I wasn’t brave enough to walk
beside you
I was behind you every step of the way
Still filled with awe because of the beauty
that stands before me

When you thought I was too deaf to hear your
heartbeat I didn’t want to assume anything
And I was afraid to lose our friendship

When you thought I wasn’t there to catch you
It was because you never gave me the chance
You never reached the bottom, you’ve already
grabbed a branch

If you feel like you are nowhere, I too am
lost I too don’t know where the road is going
Are we just going to turn around,
Or are we gonna cross each other’s path?
Will we just let go of what we had
Or go to the place where love is bound?

Don’t let me walk alone
I want to walk by your side
Don’t let me talk of something else
It’s you I want to talk with
Don’t fall for someone else
It’s you I want to fall in love with.

Lovers to Friends…

One of the most dangerous things about falling in love is the risk you take knowing that in a moment that someone could no longer be yours. So why do we do it? Why do we open our hearts to feel vulnerable and broken? Because falling in love is a human’s most divine sense of feeling. For some people the love they have never fades. It exists as long as they exist. And when the world tries to invade what they have waited so long to feel, they wrap their fingers around it and never let go. White knuckles, red palm, they never let go. But with that love comes an ache that can never be rid of. It’s that uncontrollable and unstoppable realization that you have no power over the way you feel. You are victim to the sting of love. It hurts as much as it heals. For some, that ache wears on their soul, and they find themselves forgetting why they loved in the first place. They let go, release the tension in their hand, and watch as the very thing they once held dear fades away. So why do we do it? Why do we fall in love? Because even if the person you love gives up on you, even if you give up on the person you love, what has been will never change. The way your heart felt while it did last makes the risk worth it. Never forget what you did have. Maybe one day, you will find each other again. Maybe one day, you’ll both remember why you loved so deeply. Maybe one day, you won’t. But no one can take away what your heart so fondly remembers.


I'm letting it all go.. Some-things can never be forgotten..Few people are in distant memory yet they are there... 


People might give up the dreams woven together, the goals of being together. But then, they know, they gave up for the happiness of each other. 'THEY'gave up. Yes, but they won’t let their weakness destroy whatever  they had made. The relationship they had created. The ‘we’ is just too beautiful to make it fade.


Its again a new beginning...
Goodbye lover..


Hello friend..

LIVE, LOVE and LEARN….

I'm a simple person that craves for serene and quiet moments. I despise pretence and the crowded bars in the Metros. I’d rather stay home and watch TV than stay in those places. I love going out of town to unwind and retreat from the busy city life. I love to read books, especially novels that deal with love and romance,


I am looking forward to meet someone that can take me away and live for a day without any worries, drop what he is doing when I need him, romantic, passionate, caring, understanding and would love me as I am. But I know that this can’t happen because such idealism will just break my heart and would hurt me in the end. That is why I erased these preferences already in mind for I know that they only appear at the night screen and in fantasy to fulfil my fancy. I’m open for any conversation that may tickle my fancy and bond with you. I despise pretence, what you see is what you get from me. And mind you, I don’t put my best foot forward in meeting other people, and I don’t believe in the saying, " First impression last forever. " Anybody can wear their best smile and fool the world of being nice but it would take time to know a person well.


When you’re out there looking for that perfect person, keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity comes different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you’re thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack , a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. Even the person you’re with was not perfect because the perfect person in your dreams was supposed to stay with you forever. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other. You deserve to be happy not in the arms of someone who keeps you waiting but in the arms of someone who will take you now, love you forever and leave you never.


Sometimes we ask ourselves why love leaves us when we have given so much of ourselves that there is little left for us to start all over again. A lot of us have built dreams with people we hoped would be with us forever only to realize that there is nothing permanent in this world. Love comes and goes. People share their lives with us and leave us. Life is a constant cycle of finding and losing, of making and breaking, of dying and living again. When our heart dies, it stops beating. But love is different. Don’t believe that love ends permanently even when we feel that love has died. It would only go into deep slumber and could one day be awakened by someone who could unlock our hearts. Always remember that in life, there are no mistakes, only lessons learned. In loving, there should be no regrets, only the appreciation of the joy we had. There is a time when life stops and when loves ends. But, we don’t have to stay in one place forever. Our life should move on even when everything else around us makes us feel that it shouldn’t. For there can only be happiness when we stop living in the past. Love will only find its way back when we give others the chance to share little of themselves with us. We might be miserable now, but there always would be someone out there who could ease the pain and bitterness in our hearts that had kept us from daring to love again


Sometimes, in our relentless efforts to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things and simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own concerns. Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words, for you will find rewarding happiness not with the man you love but the man who loves you more.


The best lovers are those who are capable of loving from a distance, far enough to allow the other person to grow, but never too far to feel the love deep within your being. To let go of someone doesn’t mean you have to stop loving, it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back. Letting go is not just setting the other person free but it is also setting yourself free from all bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.


Do not let the bitterness rare away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you, but rather lets you grow with wisdom. You may find peace in just loving someone from a distance not expecting anything in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow. We can all survive with just beautiful moments or sad memories of the past but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is- today.


There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions. The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship… don’t be so bitter about it! For it is a kind of FRIENDSHIP that will last for a LIFETIME!!! We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.


You don’t have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving. Don’t let your heart run your life, be sensible, and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.


Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow: If you lose love that doesn’t mean that you failed in love. Cry, if you have to, but make sure that the tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you.


And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime. "When I lost you, I was the one who loved you most, but between us you lost more. For someday I can love someone the way that I loved you but you will never be loved again the way that I did."


"If you love me, let me know; if you don’t, let me go…"

Choose Happiness: Coping With Broken Tiles

Yesterday night couple of friends gathered at out home.  We focused on the broken tile syndrome.  This concept is based on the fact that our eyes may be more focused on a broken or missing tile in some great mosaic versus appreciating the larger work.  Oftentimes we do the same in our lives – focus on what’s missing versus what we do have.


Once you determine your broken or missing tiles, then what?  Dennis Prager, in his book, Happiness Is A Serious Problem, tells us that we have three options:  Get It, Forget It or Replace It.


Get It  I shared with the group that one of my missing tiles is that I have a need to write a book(a cookery book or say owning a restau).  It is something I have postponed for many years and it continues to weigh on me.  This is something I feel very strongly that I need to do.  Whether or not it gets published is not important, but the mere fact that I can complete it and make the effort to get it published is enough.  I already have the idea in place, however it calls for action


Forget It   I lost my grandparents parents(maternal as well as paternal)couple of years ago.  There is nothing I can do to bring them back, so although those are two huge(maternal 1 and paternal 1) missing tiles in my life, I have to forget it.  Not to forget them.  I never will.  I have come to accept that the best I can do is to carry their legacy forward, to honor their memories and if I can be half the woman my grandmom(maternal) was nothing like it...


Replace It   John Walsh, the host of America’s Most Wanted, came into his role in finding criminals after his son, Adam, was kidnapped and murdered in Florida.  He turned that tragedy into something to help others by creating legislation to protect children and to help law enforcement find criminals.


What we all friends realized is that in talking for 90 minutes or so we learned so much about each other. I hope a number of us identified some broken tiles and will find the time to determine how best to address them to help increase our happiness.  May you think about your own broken tiles and do the same.




Stay Happy My Friends!

The Law of the Seed

This I found on the net and there was an instant connect and its so true:-


Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the tree, each with ten seeds. That’s a lot of seeds. We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more trees?"


Nature has something to teach us here. It’s telling us: "Most seeds never grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you should better try more than once."


This might mean:


You’ll attend twenty interviews to get one job.


You’ll interview forty people to find one good employee.


You’ll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum cleaner, insurance policy, or idea.


And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend.


When we understand the ‘Law of the Seed’, we don’t get so disappointed. We stop feeling like victims.  We just need to understand them – and work with them.


Successful people fail more often. They plant more seeds.









On the other hand, let's say you expect that:


Friends SHOULD return favours.
People SHOULD appreciate you.
Planes SHOULD arrive on time.
Everyone SHOULD be honest.
Your husband or best friend SHOULD remember your birthday.


These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won't happen! So you end up frustrated and disappointed.


There's a better strategy. Demand less, and instead, have preferences! For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself:


"I WOULD PREFER "A", BUT IF "B" HAPPENS, IT'S OK TOO!"


You prefer that people are polite.. but when they are rude, it doesn't ruin your day.


You prefer sunshine.. but if it rains, it is ok too!


To become happier, we either need to:


a) Change the world, or
b) Change our thinking.
It is easier to change our Thinking!


IN A NUTSHELL~


It is not the problem that is the issue, but rather it is our attitude attending to the problem that is the problem. It's not what happens to you that determine your happiness but rather how you think about what happens to you!

Choose Happiness: Keeping It Real

There was a comment from a few weeks back which suggested that although we should strive to be happy, how do we cope with situations which really do bring unhappiness into our lives? When ever amongst friends we discuss on happiness, this is one of the first items which I have spoken about; therefore, this question is very important.


We have to be genuine.  When you feel love, anger, sadness, frustration, etc., you should show your true feelings.  We are human and need to act as such.  The caveat is that you should be very focused on who gets to see this side of you.  If someone upsets you, then you should certainly let them see or know your feelings assuming that you truly have been wronged.  If you had had a tough day you should not ‘take it out’ with the check-out person at your local grocery store, for example.  They are completely innocent, don’t know you or your problems and ultimately don’t care.  For the most part, you should reserve sharing you negative feelings with those who know you well and can help you – family and friends primarily.  So for all the ‘strangers’ you encounter you act as though everything is fine.  When they ask, “How are you?” it is not an open invitation to dump your problems on them.  For them, your answer is a very polite “I am doing fine”  A word of caution, even family and friends will reach a saturation point if they are always on the receiving end of your negative feelings.  Ultimately, we are adults and need to be able to cope with our negative moments in an adult fashion.


On the flip side, if you are experiencing great joy then do make every attempt to infect everyone around you, stranger, friend and family alike!


I was reading an article someone sent me recently from a Magazine.  It described how happiness and unhappiness may have some similarities to how an infectious disease spreads.  Very interesting.  I would suggest we catch the happiness bug and create a contagion and inoculate ourselves against the unhappiness bug!


Stay Happy My Friends!

Choose Happiness: My Pepper Tree Of Hope

We moved into our house about 6 years ago.  The spring after moving in, we did some work on our yard beside our home.  This included purchasing pepper tree.  My granny went with me to the nursery and helped me pick it out. We had a similar tree in our backyard at our previous home so this was the connection.  I grew up hanging upside down from that tree, with the requisite warnings from my mom to get down lest I break my neck! :D


For a few years our new tree did well.


Post monsoon 08 my granny quietly left us all...


A few summers ago our pepper tree appeared to succumb to a brutal summer.  Limb by limb it too apparently would quietly yield to the elements. When I cut the last dry branch I went back to nursery and looked for a new tree.  I explained to the arborist that I needed to replace my tree.  He asked whether there were any green shoots.  I affirmed that there were, though they were small.  He said it was always sad to give up on a tree.  Perhaps I should see if these new shoots would take.


The pepper tree is now a little larger than when we first purchased it. The buds which survived have now grown into strong branches.  Hope has won out.  I have cared for the tree all these years and have brought it back.  The work continues, but the tree remains.


I recall that our tree back in my parents’ house also went through some problems.  A plague cursed through its rings which, unlike Saturn’s, I know these marked time.


This is the season of hope.  Keep hope alive.  Assure that it’s grounded hope, not just hope beyond hope, as this may lead to desperation.


Stay Happy My Friends!

Choose Happiness: Life As A Stage

There is no greater drama than that of our own lives.  The phrase, stranger than fiction, is often true.  For some, they lead action-adventure story lines where danger lurks at every corner.  For me, my life is more like a good indie movie – not many exploding cars, no bullets flying, lower budget, but a good experience from which something can be gleaned.  At least, I hope that’s what it is and that it remains that way!  With all due respect for those who enjoy their exciting plot lines, I prefer my life to be more like the undulating Iowa landscape – a gentle sloping forward.  I believe happiness is more attainable this way, though not assured.


Some years back, I took some acting lessons during a school fest. What I did learn is that, to be believable on stage you have to know where you are going.  Everything on stage is placed there for a reason.  In my case, there was a glass of water I had to get to during my scene.  That meant that during my time on stage I had to be by the glass of water at the right time.  There were other places I had to be at during the scene, so I had to maneuver the stage well.  Knowing where I had to be, allowed me to appear confident, and feel it too.  It was very obvious when an actor wandered the stage aimlessly that they were novices.  


This same principle can be applied to our lives.  We must know where our ‘glass of water’ is at.  In other words, we need to know where we need to be and approximately when we need to be there.  To wander aimlessly through our own lives is frustrating.  It is also obvious to friends, family and colleagues when we are doing so.  We must walk through our lives with confidence, with purpose.  If you are doing it well, you are not doing it alone.  This is important.  As with the stage where there are people there to guide you – other actors, directors, etc. – you need this same cast of characters in your life to help you along.  Ultimately, when the spotlight is on you and you have to deliver your line, drink from the glass and break it against the fireplace; you’re on your own!


Years back I read something on crime and the best advice that criminals gave was to walk with purpose.  When they saw people moving with confidence, they left them alone.  When they encountered people who seemed a bit unsure, they recognized them as their next victim.


I didn’t cover what you do when you walk confidently, on time, you’ve got your lines ready and the glass is not there!  We all must be resourceful enough to adlib once in a while!


Stay Happy My Friends!

HARDEST THINGS IN LOVE:

There could be more than what has been listed too 

1.  flashing your smile to someone u don’t want to see.
2.  bringing back the feeling u’ve learned to forget.
3.  showing that u care.
4.  finding a way to mend a broken heart.
5.  learning that u’ve been used by someone u truly love. 
6.  saying "i love you" when you truly mean it and when you don’t. 
7.  letting go of a person u’ve just learned to love.
8. realizing that u love somebody u’ve just taken for granted.
9. realizing that u love the person u’ve just broken up with.
10. Conveying ur love for someone who loves somebody else.
11. reminiscing the good times u shared together.
12. shielding ur heart to love somebody.
13. trying to hide what u really feel.
14. having a commitment with someone that u know would not last.
15. trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from ur eyes.
16. sharing the one u love with someone else.
17. loving a person too much.
18. giving up someone u never thought of giving up.
19. The fear when you know you know you are attracted to a special one after you have been hurt
20. loving someone you haven’t seen 
21. having the right love at the wrong time.
22. exerting effort to make the relationship last or work.
23. not being appreciated when u know u’ve given ur best.
24. taking the risk to fall in love again.
25. hiding ur relationship from someone else.
26. controlling ur feelings to avoid hurting a friend
27. choosing between 2 persons whom u really love.
28. waiting for promises you know he’ll never keep. .

The Two Angels

Two travelling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion’s guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement.


As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it. When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied… “Things aren't always what they seem”.


The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night’s rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field.


The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel “how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him,” she accused. “The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die.”


“Things aren't always what they seem,” the older angel replied. “When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn’t find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmers bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I gave her the cow instead. Things aren’t always what they seem.”


Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don’t turn out the way they should. If you have faith, you just need to trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not know it until some time later.

“Excellence: Skill or Attitude? ”

A gentleman once visited a place under construction where he saw a sculptor making a statute. Suddenly he noticed a similar statute lying nearby.


Surprised, he asked the sculptor, "Do you need two statues of the same kind?"


"No," said the sculptor without looking up, "We need only one, but the first one got damaged at the last stage."


The gentleman examined the statute and found no apparent damage… "Where is the damage?" he asked.


"There is a scratch on the nose of the statute," said the sculptor, still busy with his work.


"Where are you going to install the statute?"


The sculptor replied that it would be installed on a pillar twenty feet high.


"If the statute is that high, who is going to know that there is a scratch on the nose?" the gentleman asked.


The sculptor stopped his work, looked up at the gentleman, smiled and said, "I know it and God knows it!"




Moral: 


The desire to excel should be exclusive of the fact whether someone appreciates it or not. 


Excellence is a drive from inside, not outside. 


Excel at a task today – not necessarily for someone else to notice but for your own satisfaction. 


Remember, "Excellence is not a skill. It is an attitude." – Ralph Marston

Of Elevators and Stairs

They say every person has a lot of love to give and that love makes the world go round. But all around you, there are people desperate to be noticed, to be appreciated, to be loved. Seeing this, you begin to wonder if what they say is true. You doubt this because you’ve been through the pains of unrequited love yourself.


It’s really a complex thing but I wish to explain it in a basic standpoint. I’ll compare it to elevators and stairs. Imagine going to an establishment with just one elevator. You’re in a hurry to get a ride up but it’s jam-packed and this disappoints you but you still decide to wait. You look nowhere else but at the elevator door, not knowing that behind you, there’s a stairway. You keep on waiting and waiting, hoping the elevator would go back down quickly but it got stuck because of a glitch in its machination; it’ll take long to fix it. You become so frustrated. Now, if only you took the time to look around, you’d have seen the stairs. And instead of wasting your time waiting on an elevator that’s never going to be available when you want it to be, you could’ve used the stairs and still reached the floor where you wanted to go.


It’s the same way with loving. You try so hard to be the best, so the person you love will notice you. You wait so long for your feelings to be returned, only for it to turn out you were waiting for nothing. And in all the time that you focused on that person, you failed to appreciate another one who thrives in your existence. Someone who is also doing everything to be the perfect one you’ll love and like. It’s just like focusing too much on the elevator and not minding the stairs, isn’t it? You may feel like it’s not right. But think of it this way, if you feel that you have it hard loving someone who doesn’t love you, do you think it’s any different for that person who’s doing everything just to be loved by you? I guess love is unfair that way.

Get in touch- with yourself !

Quite often, people (especially children) are not taught to properly express their thoughts emotions views and sentiments. 
"Children should be seen and not heard" is an all too famous (infamous) motto that has been used for a long time. 
However, if humans are not supposed to express their thoughts, what happens? We learn to stuff our emotions down and repression becomes 
second nature after a while. The problem is that thoughts and emotions are meant to be expressed, not supressed. 
A baby cries, and it does not judge why it is crying or does not think that it should not be crying,it does not think it might disturb someone, it just lets it all out and a moment later, it is again happy. Cant we all remain kids?( reference here is expression!)
If we could just learn at a young age that every emotion is worthy of being properly expressed, (after all, they are emotions within us that we naturally have)then we would all much more likely grow up to be well adjusted adults even in the face of highly stressful events and situations.


Take this into consideration, many health practitioners are starting to realize that at least 80% of health issues are highly related to stress 
and other emotional baggage. It is not only unnatural to repress our feelings, but it is also a risk to our health! Obviously, 
one does not want to go around and rant like a raving lunatic over every thought or feeling which he/she has, but things must be put into balance in order to live as a well adjusted adult. Instead of bursting with anger over something someone else did or said in which you felt angry about, it is better to have a strong sense of communication about these feelings and assertively tell the other person how you feel instead of bursting out at this person. It may not seem easy at first, but with practice it will become a more natural response. No matter how bad one is with dealing with emotions, he/she can learn how to deal with emotions in a much healthier manner. Sometimes, just allowing yourself to fully feel 
an emotion can be enough to take the weight of it off you. The only reason why emotions become a problem and cause erratic behavior and health issues is because they are not properly dealt with. They become repressed and can turn into guilt, sadness, even rage. There is nothing shameful about any emotion anyone has. Specially our Indian culture deals with the "man should not cry syndrome" Men in our society rarely cry and thus it puts pressure on the heart according to survey men are at higher risk of an attach than females just because they dont express their pain through tears..The pressure needs an out burst too? So be the judge out burst through tears? or by sacrificing the only heart?
I will say that again...THERE IS NOTHING SHAMEFUL ABOUT ANY EMOTION THAT ANYONE HAS! The only "shameful" part of it is that we may have been programmed to think that we should not even have certain emotions, so they become repressed and turn into problems for mental stability and/or physical health. Many young boys/girls specially cant deal with the onset of puberty-why so? because they are scared to share it with respective parents, the fear within stops them from questioning. Dealing with it becomes really difficult and boys/girls start experimenting on their own. Is that the right way?How many girls or even boys discuss with their parents about the bodily changes or the new feelings and interests they develop?are the kids truly comfortable with parents? why is this barrier?There starts the gap...communication gap leading to many other issues.


There are a number of ways to deal with thoughts and feelings in a healthy way. First of all, feelings are a result of the thoughts we have. 
If we think that we should not have certain feelings, that causes us to repress them and feel guilty over them. Like I stated earlier, really allow yourself to feel whatever feeling you are having. If you are feeling sadness, really allow yourself to feel this sadness. If you are feeling angry, really allow yourself to feel angry. It can cause us to feel overwhelmed at first until we really get used to this new way of dealing with our emotions, especially if they have been repressed for a long time. So it may appear we are getting even more neurotic, but no worries, this is a natural part of the process that will fade as time goes on. It is by repressing our feelings that sadness can turn into depression, and anger can turn into rage. Allowing yourself to really feel these feelings can allow them to dissipate and release once we know how to handle it. Also, even allow yourself to feel insecure if that feeling arises. It is due to many of our insecurities that make us feel weak for having certain emotions in the first place, which can cause us to "explode" from holding them in for so long. There is nothing "weak" about any emotion. The only "weakness" is from not allowing yourself to have these emotions and trying to stuff them down due to how you were raised, how you perceive others might think if they knew about these thoughts and feelings, etc. One other method you may wish to try is to keep a journal of your feelings. This may sound silly, but it can be a highly effective way in getting more in touch with yourself and why these emotions are coming out. Since no one else has to know about this, it can be your safe haven for expressing yourself. Sometimes seeing it come out on paper can be very therapeutic. It can lead you to see why you were having these emotions in the first place and let go of them. You can also write angry letters or any other type of letter to someone describing exactly how you feel about something in particular, then just shred it up and never mail it. It can be a form of release to get this tension out , and the other person does not have to know about it if you so desire. 


Meditation can be highly beneficial into getting us more in touch with ourselves and our feelings as well.


Another thing I would like to discuss is sex. For too many of us, sex is an unnecessary stigma that is considered "bad". Specially in India discussing anything related sex with any elder is such a taboo..A girl openly questioning is such a NO! NO!
Sexual feelings are just as natural and normal as any other feeling human beings experience. There is nothing shameful or repulsive about it at all. 
Thinking that it is shameful is what causes mental distress. How can something so natural and beautiful be so shameful? This topic may make some people feel uncomfortable, but it is time we really delved into this subject. The only "problem" with sex is when it is done as a compulsion or done against someone else's will. But think about this, if one views sex in a healthy perspective and not feel any shame attached to it, then less sexual addictions would result, less rape would happen, less brothels, etc. This is not about trying to have sex with anyone you feel attracted to, because that would be a compulsion. Rather, it is about fully allowing yourself to be free of any guilt attached to the subject and allowing it to freely flow through you. Addictions are usually the result of feeling shameful about it, then feeling mad for feeling shameful about it, and before you know it, it becomes an addictive behavior. It can also be used as an addiction to escape from other repressed emotions. This is why it is so important to allow yourself to experience any emotions that arise, for this will seriously knock out the need for any addictive behaviors, including sex. When sex is viewed in a healthier manner, as well as any other emotion, you may not even wish to seek it out as much as you once did, but you would enjoy it 10 times more than you ever did. And you will have more respect for it as the beautiful expression that it really is.
Even loveless sex is ok as long as it is done with 2 consenting partners. But once sex is put into better balance, you will naturally gravitate to experiencing it fully and with someone you really care about. I know that sounds ironic and doubtful, it appears that if you allow yourself to fully experience sexual feelings then you may become a raving sex maniac. However, that comes from false preconceptions and beliefs. It is the other way around meaning that compulsive sexual behavior is the direct result from either sexual feelings being repressed until they can no longer be repressed, and/or from other repressed emotions in which sex becomes an addiction to escape from other distresses. 
Once everything is put in balance, even sex, then your true loving nature starts to emerge more and more. 
For that is our most true nature, that of love. Once we clear out our emotional baggage, we naturally gravitate towards more love for ourselves and others. Take it from me, someone who used to have problems with anxiety and depression, and now I am much more at peace with myself and others. 
I would like to end with this thought....we are not our thoughts and emotions, 
they simply pass through us. By allowing them to really pass through us instead of repressing them or holding onto them is when we get more in 
touch with the deeper aspects of ourselves such as true love.