Choose Happiness: Love And The Power Of No

A Friend sent me an e-mail earlier this week or the later part of previous week.  Thanks!  It listed 45 items which a 90 year old had shared as life lessons with a local newspaper.  I like many, differ with a few and would clarify a few others.  Number 38 stated: All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.  I disagree.  I am no ogre, I do believe in the power of love without a doubt.  However, I profess that in the end all that matters is that you did good.  Not just that you intended to do good, as the result is truly important.


At home this translates into all younger generation getting a healthy dose of ‘no’. All of us(cousin's, their kids,my siblings,) will attest to the fact they are truly loved by both parents and the whole family in general.  They will also attest that they don’t always get their wish or demand.  In many instances, they have to earn much of what they get.  The goal is to create good men & women.  This requires that they be prepared to handle life’s onslaught when it is their time to face the difficult path of life.  They must experience some setbacks and frustrations now in order to learn how to cope in the future.  We also instil in them to do good, not just feel good.  They know that when they don’t carry themselves as they are expected to, there are consequences – lost privileges, monetary loss, having to listen to respective mom's and elders expound on the error of their ways, etc.


This same rule applies to me.  I can’t be an ideal or an example to the younger kids, the power of ‘no’ if I get everything I want.  The argument can be made that it truly is ‘my money’ when I need something.  That argument will win the day, however, if it’s just a matter of who owns the finances, then the message is clear: when you’re older you can do as you well please.  That’s not it.  We as individuals must say no to what we want on a regular basis.  It’s called self control.  It applies to any facet of life.Ah, that doesn't mean you stop your medications and most important things to your life like my hubby used to frequently tell me : you stop taking those medicines you would be better(Any & all kinda meds).It doesn't work that way. Wants need to hear a 'No'than needs.


‘No’ appears counterintuitive to our belief in pursuing happiness.  However, life will tell us ‘no’ many times and we must be able to accommodate that within our overall pursuit of happiness.  Go out and do good!  Oh heck, throw lots of love around too!!


Stay Happy My Friends!

Women

Women..


They smile when they want to scream.


They sing when they want to cry.


They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous


They fight for what they believe in.


They stand up for injustice.


They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution.


They go without new shoes so their children can have them.


They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.


They love unconditionally.


They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.


They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage.


Their hearts break when a friend dies.


They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.


They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.


Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes.


They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you.


The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin!


Women do more than just give birth.


They bring joy and hope.


They give compassion and ideals.


They give moral support to their family and friends.


Women have a lot to say and a lot to give.

The Law of the Seed

This I found on the net and there was an instant connect and its so true:-


Take a look at an apple tree. There might be five hundred apples on the tree, each with ten seeds. That’s a lot of seeds. We might ask, "Why would you need so many seeds to grow just a few more trees?"


Nature has something to teach us here. It’s telling us: "Most seeds never grow. So if you really want to make something happen, you should better try more than once."


This might mean:


You’ll attend twenty interviews to get one job.


You’ll interview forty people to find one good employee.


You’ll talk to fifty people to sell one house, car, vacuum cleaner, insurance policy, or idea.


And you might meet a hundred acquaintances to find one special friend.


When we understand the ‘Law of the Seed’, we don’t get so disappointed. We stop feeling like victims.  We just need to understand them – and work with them.


Successful people fail more often. They plant more seeds.









On the other hand, let's say you expect that:


Friends SHOULD return favours.
People SHOULD appreciate you.
Planes SHOULD arrive on time.
Everyone SHOULD be honest.
Your husband or best friend SHOULD remember your birthday.


These expectations may sound reasonable. But often, these things won't happen! So you end up frustrated and disappointed.


There's a better strategy. Demand less, and instead, have preferences! For things that are beyond your control, tell yourself:


"I WOULD PREFER "A", BUT IF "B" HAPPENS, IT'S OK TOO!"


You prefer that people are polite.. but when they are rude, it doesn't ruin your day.


You prefer sunshine.. but if it rains, it is ok too!


To become happier, we either need to:


a) Change the world, or
b) Change our thinking.
It is easier to change our Thinking!


IN A NUTSHELL~


It is not the problem that is the issue, but rather it is our attitude attending to the problem that is the problem. It's not what happens to you that determine your happiness but rather how you think about what happens to you!

Choose Happiness: Keeping It Real

There was a comment from a few weeks back which suggested that although we should strive to be happy, how do we cope with situations which really do bring unhappiness into our lives? When ever amongst friends we discuss on happiness, this is one of the first items which I have spoken about; therefore, this question is very important.


We have to be genuine.  When you feel love, anger, sadness, frustration, etc., you should show your true feelings.  We are human and need to act as such.  The caveat is that you should be very focused on who gets to see this side of you.  If someone upsets you, then you should certainly let them see or know your feelings assuming that you truly have been wronged.  If you had had a tough day you should not ‘take it out’ with the check-out person at your local grocery store, for example.  They are completely innocent, don’t know you or your problems and ultimately don’t care.  For the most part, you should reserve sharing you negative feelings with those who know you well and can help you – family and friends primarily.  So for all the ‘strangers’ you encounter you act as though everything is fine.  When they ask, “How are you?” it is not an open invitation to dump your problems on them.  For them, your answer is a very polite “I am doing fine”  A word of caution, even family and friends will reach a saturation point if they are always on the receiving end of your negative feelings.  Ultimately, we are adults and need to be able to cope with our negative moments in an adult fashion.


On the flip side, if you are experiencing great joy then do make every attempt to infect everyone around you, stranger, friend and family alike!


I was reading an article someone sent me recently from a Magazine.  It described how happiness and unhappiness may have some similarities to how an infectious disease spreads.  Very interesting.  I would suggest we catch the happiness bug and create a contagion and inoculate ourselves against the unhappiness bug!


Stay Happy My Friends!

Choose Happiness: My Pepper Tree Of Hope

We moved into our house about 6 years ago.  The spring after moving in, we did some work on our yard beside our home.  This included purchasing pepper tree.  My granny went with me to the nursery and helped me pick it out. We had a similar tree in our backyard at our previous home so this was the connection.  I grew up hanging upside down from that tree, with the requisite warnings from my mom to get down lest I break my neck! :D


For a few years our new tree did well.


Post monsoon 08 my granny quietly left us all...


A few summers ago our pepper tree appeared to succumb to a brutal summer.  Limb by limb it too apparently would quietly yield to the elements. When I cut the last dry branch I went back to nursery and looked for a new tree.  I explained to the arborist that I needed to replace my tree.  He asked whether there were any green shoots.  I affirmed that there were, though they were small.  He said it was always sad to give up on a tree.  Perhaps I should see if these new shoots would take.


The pepper tree is now a little larger than when we first purchased it. The buds which survived have now grown into strong branches.  Hope has won out.  I have cared for the tree all these years and have brought it back.  The work continues, but the tree remains.


I recall that our tree back in my parents’ house also went through some problems.  A plague cursed through its rings which, unlike Saturn’s, I know these marked time.


This is the season of hope.  Keep hope alive.  Assure that it’s grounded hope, not just hope beyond hope, as this may lead to desperation.


Stay Happy My Friends!

Alive or Living?

Whenever I wake up to the sight of slivers of sunlight that shine into my room, I can’t help but be thankful that I have yet another chance at life. I’ve been alive for almost 30 years now and it was around 4 years back when I somehow got to get a grasp of the saying that “being alive is one thing, living life is another.” Living is definitely a challenge, even without philosophers and scientists trying to figure out its meaning. It ranges from the occasional “What do I wear to work today?” to something more problematic like “I’m still having trouble getting over my ex-boyfriend” to something even worse that I'm not pretty sure is yet to come for me – probably a case of  having worst nightmares or an eventual follow up of the dream into a reality(praying it doesn't come at all). I can’t say I have it figured out., I doubt anyone has and ever will, but I think it’s safe for me to at least say what I think it’s about:


Living is about exploring. I can immediately come up with two famous lines. “Life is a highway.” I think it’s the simplest and perfect metaphor ever created and it spawned many other familiar lines that are connected to it. That said, I guess living would be journeying through that highway. Of course there would be bumps and detours along the way. “It’s not so much about the destination but the journey.” True enough it’s the journey that changes us and we only see the full impact when we reach our goal.


Living is about making choices. If life is a highway, then there’s bound to be forks in the road and the choices we make at these forks change us. We can choose to forever stay in our comfort zone and walk the path we know to be safe or we can take a risk and walk the path unknown. The saying goes that a person is the sum of the choices he makes.


Living is about learning. Living is an experience. We live inside life and not outside it. We become immersed in it and try to learn the ropes of everything we encounter: cooking, driving, programming, etc. We learn through experiencing things firsthand, not with other people doing things for us. Through mistakes we learn what and what not to do. Learning helps us make better choices.


Living is about struggling. Life is full of contradictions in the abstract and problems in the concrete. It is never always easy. We encounter money problems or relationship problems. We struggle with the moral dilemma of our choices and the consequences that follow. These are the things that take part in molding us into better people.


Living is about loving. Who of us do not know about love? Living life is about experiencing it with other people. Family and friends shower us with love and we return it in kind. Love is essential to living. It is the warmth in our homes and a drink in our merrymaking. A life lived without love is not living at all.


Living is about being thankful. Living is about counting our blessings and not our misfortunes, what we have and not what we don’t. It is about being thankful for the chance to embrace life in its entirety, the good and bad together.


How is living different from being alive then? Living is being thankful of being alive.

YOU..

You’re the only one who has the power over your life.
You have your choices.
You own your chances.
You alone can make it happen, can make the change.
Chances are, you’ll succeed.
Chances are, you’ll fail.
But regardless of those things that will happen, I'm just here.
Not the best companion or whatsoever, but I can swear one thing,
I'm willing to listen.
I’ll speak my mind if you’ll ask me to.
Or just stay awake with you....

Choices.. Chances..

A beautiful poetry that I read ; immediately penned it down..Don't wanna get into the depths of the poetry but just plain enjoy it...



"You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on. ”

– by: David Harkins

Did you know? Facts-

By making simple changes in our everyday lives, we can make significant strides to improve the planet we all share”


An energy efficient washing machine will use a third less electricity for each wash, which, over its lifetime, could save you more than the cost of the appliance.


A third of water used in the home goes down the toilet


The average bath uses 80 litres of water.


Don’t blow it – good planets are hard to find.

Life

What is the meaning of my life?


· What is my object (also referred to as ‘ purpose/reason ’)?
·What are my values and where do they emanate from?
·Am I happy with my lot in life and, if not, what is missing?


We need to think about these things on a more regular basis and make transformations as our lives change.  We are not the same people we were in college and our panorama is probably much different than it was back then.If it is not, then I would question where our presumed growth is.


We need to stop, or at least pause, here and there and think. The speed of life today seems to be ever increasing, though we obviously have the same 24 hours in a day which every human has had or will have.  I Read an article last week from Harvard Management titled “The Dangers of Distraction” and Alex Pattakos’ book “Prisoners Of Our Thoughts” plus my own insights, it is clear that what we lack today is depth in our relationships.Not just in our personal relationships but with our work and colleagues and any of our near and dear ones. Technology connects us more to each other than ever before(mobiles, laptops, ipads); however, in our goal to do many things at once, the ubiquitous multi-tasking, we can only deal with the surface issues as we jump from one issue to another. 


To gain meaning from our work we have to go deeper.  There is meaning from just getting a pay cheque to pay the bills.  I won’t dispute that.  But to gain a deeper meaning in your work may require that you look not only at your particular task but who is involved in your work.  There, in our connection with others, is where meaning may be found.  In this scenario, a cab driver can be a quick tour guide to give each rider a unique experience versus just taking people from place to place.


I was having a discussion on Friday with one of my friend and he shared a perspective which I think is important. He said that we sometimes focus our attention on our peers, friends relatives – what are they doing, are they getting more attention, better assignments, more this, less that, etc.  Then he said, “If you are trying to advance but only look sideways, you will only trip.  You should look forward.”  


I’ll end with the Socratic proposition that “the unexamined life is not worth living” is still true today.  I add my own 2 bits, which states that “the life un-lived is not worth examining.”  So think and then do.  Missing one or the other, leaves us all not fully able to understand the full scope of our life’s potential and meaning.


Choose Happiness and look forward to another post on are related topic. :)

I H8 U, like I Luv U...

Trying my hand @ Interpretation of today's number~I know what one would feel reading it..Imagine listening to it...


I hate you ..like i love you.. sounds familiar???
Its frm movie.. Delhi belly.. Its quite confusing.. i hate you in literal sense.. 
I'm hating you so much that i cant stand you , or even worse.. but actual meaning i love you .. 
I actually cant live without you..wowowo..If we r soo obsessed with someone and that person propels you so much that u actually hate him/her but end up loving them .When we actually start missing the person and in love with the person .. we say I hate you .. In thoughts-I love you. .English- Soo confusing ??..or is it our way of speaking ?? I say its modern way of expressing thoughts in confusing English

Technology !

We, the Millennials or the Facebook Generation are the proud witnesses of various emerging trends in almost all the industries around. I often sit back and think of the days when my grandma used to go shoppping, she used to have a list of things she had to purchase and had fixed shops to buy stuff from,  and if things weren’t at stock at those shops, she would either choose to get them the next month if that’s something not very urgent or the shop owner would send them home on a later day. Clearly, she was a very loyal customer, had a lot of patience and had limited options. What has changed now?
Its us- the customers. We are more savvy, want things at the earliest, at our convenience and the best fit economically. Today, everyone is talking about customer behaviors, customer loyalty programs, customer relationship. Everyone wants satisfied customers and retailers work to improve their customers’ confidence. This competive world is becoming better each day. Giving us the ease of access and options we wouldn’t have ever imagined.
We would have Virtual Shopping Stores shortly, infact Korea already has a virtual shopping complex(Saw it on TV few days ago), where we can choose the items using an LCD and collect them as we reach the counter. Isn’t this amazing. Not even two decades and such a difference. Where are we heading from here and what is the next generation going to witness?
A LOT MORE THAN THIS probably.
Let us not stop our wants and desires and, things would keep on becoming better.
Its fruitful to be demanding!!!

Choose Happiness: Life As A Stage

There is no greater drama than that of our own lives.  The phrase, stranger than fiction, is often true.  For some, they lead action-adventure story lines where danger lurks at every corner.  For me, my life is more like a good indie movie – not many exploding cars, no bullets flying, lower budget, but a good experience from which something can be gleaned.  At least, I hope that’s what it is and that it remains that way!  With all due respect for those who enjoy their exciting plot lines, I prefer my life to be more like the undulating Iowa landscape – a gentle sloping forward.  I believe happiness is more attainable this way, though not assured.


Some years back, I took some acting lessons during a school fest. What I did learn is that, to be believable on stage you have to know where you are going.  Everything on stage is placed there for a reason.  In my case, there was a glass of water I had to get to during my scene.  That meant that during my time on stage I had to be by the glass of water at the right time.  There were other places I had to be at during the scene, so I had to maneuver the stage well.  Knowing where I had to be, allowed me to appear confident, and feel it too.  It was very obvious when an actor wandered the stage aimlessly that they were novices.  


This same principle can be applied to our lives.  We must know where our ‘glass of water’ is at.  In other words, we need to know where we need to be and approximately when we need to be there.  To wander aimlessly through our own lives is frustrating.  It is also obvious to friends, family and colleagues when we are doing so.  We must walk through our lives with confidence, with purpose.  If you are doing it well, you are not doing it alone.  This is important.  As with the stage where there are people there to guide you – other actors, directors, etc. – you need this same cast of characters in your life to help you along.  Ultimately, when the spotlight is on you and you have to deliver your line, drink from the glass and break it against the fireplace; you’re on your own!


Years back I read something on crime and the best advice that criminals gave was to walk with purpose.  When they saw people moving with confidence, they left them alone.  When they encountered people who seemed a bit unsure, they recognized them as their next victim.


I didn’t cover what you do when you walk confidently, on time, you’ve got your lines ready and the glass is not there!  We all must be resourceful enough to adlib once in a while!


Stay Happy My Friends!

HARDEST THINGS IN LOVE:

There could be more than what has been listed too 

1.  flashing your smile to someone u don’t want to see.
2.  bringing back the feeling u’ve learned to forget.
3.  showing that u care.
4.  finding a way to mend a broken heart.
5.  learning that u’ve been used by someone u truly love. 
6.  saying "i love you" when you truly mean it and when you don’t. 
7.  letting go of a person u’ve just learned to love.
8. realizing that u love somebody u’ve just taken for granted.
9. realizing that u love the person u’ve just broken up with.
10. Conveying ur love for someone who loves somebody else.
11. reminiscing the good times u shared together.
12. shielding ur heart to love somebody.
13. trying to hide what u really feel.
14. having a commitment with someone that u know would not last.
15. trying to hide the tears that involuntarily fall from ur eyes.
16. sharing the one u love with someone else.
17. loving a person too much.
18. giving up someone u never thought of giving up.
19. The fear when you know you know you are attracted to a special one after you have been hurt
20. loving someone you haven’t seen 
21. having the right love at the wrong time.
22. exerting effort to make the relationship last or work.
23. not being appreciated when u know u’ve given ur best.
24. taking the risk to fall in love again.
25. hiding ur relationship from someone else.
26. controlling ur feelings to avoid hurting a friend
27. choosing between 2 persons whom u really love.
28. waiting for promises you know he’ll never keep. .