Emotional Pain

Disclaimer : This post has absolutely no reference to my life or that of any person that you may know. This is not a message to anybody, nor am I hinting at anything.

In barbaric times, the primary source of threat to human beings was Nature. But in economically-advanced countries, it is not nature, but other human beings who make us feel threatened most of the time. Human beings are constantly hurting each other in both their intimate relationships and in their social relationships. Yes, sometimes the pain they inflict is physical, but most of the time it is emotional in nature. With a bit of reflection, it becomes quite apparent that Emotional Pain is the single greatest remaining threat that human beings must deal with in the modern era.

Just how big is this Emotional Pain Problem we are dealing with? Well, it is only responsible for virtually all of the suicides, homicides, acts of violence, and cases of clinical depression that we see every day. It is responsible for most of the wars that have been fought in modern times. It is also responsible for the sad fact that most marriages, which begin as special unions between 'best friends', end up as painful wars fought by 'worst enemies.' Emotional pain is the biggest continuing problem that most humans will deal with in their lifetimes.

Human beings have displayed an impressive ability to tackle the challenges of biological pain, but when it comes to the problem of Emotional Pain, they have remained largely clueless.

A Dedication to my Boss-Dr Neel

Dr.K.Neelakantan fondly known as Dr Neel/ sir,
A Sir who in all faces can hold up to the weight of the word. An amazing persona whom you can look up to and can always count upon. A little impatient if I may say (sorry boss).though he doesn't misunderstand. Thing is He understands everything much before you utter it. You don't have to explain everything to him. He has been a father figure to me and you get to learn so much from him and yet there is so much still left to learn. A very down to earth scientist/engineer and what not. He is an all rounder knows every bit of the world. From administration to taxation to business development to knowing the beat of the person sitting in front of him and having worked with President Abdul Kalam Azad., such a nice person. I just cant stop singing his praises. He is a very friendly boss who treats all his employees as his colleagues. I just cant stop going on and on about this eminent persona. I Still remember the day I entered the office it was all filled with cigarette smoke and then I saw Dr Neel amidst the smoke. After I started working with him he stopped smoking inside the office, I was amazed at every step at every action of his. He cant stop smoking ! common sir, Many people still need your guidance if I may take this liberty to tell you. Do take care of your health. You are a person I can never forget. You have left a very strong impact on me. My journey has been a very pleasant one since he is THE BOSS in true terms. A major landmark of my life happened when I was under him and a part of the office I got married. I can't just forget the day when he had just arrived from Japan the day I got married still without forgetting the D-Day of my life he made his presence felt along with his family. He indeed has a charming persona....You are the best boss anyone could ever ask SIR.I call him sir with all my heart....

Ant and Grasshopper

Ant and the grasshopper (Reality of INDIA under any rule)

An Old Story:
==========
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

Indian Version:
===========
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.

Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter .

Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.

Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later.....

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley,

100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,

...AND

As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers,
..
..
India is still a developing country !!!

Belated Father's day - june 21 2009

It was father's day and I wanted to dine out with my family and specially my dad.Had gone to Windsor ITC luxury hotels(previously Windsor manor).It was lovely to watch my dad enjoying his meal.He seemed to be happy :-) and proud about me at the same time. He is a wonderful person and rough on the surface.It takes a lot to be some one like "MY DAD".


Any time we had a dilemma dad was always there.
Be it large or small he always seemed to care.
He had a quiet confidence in everything he'd do.
He wouldn't let things bother him and we could feel that too.
We'd try to do things on our own, that was how we were raised.
But dad was there in case we failed, and he never fazed.
He'd pick us up and dust us off and show us how it's done.
He made things seem so easy; even hard jobs seemed like fun.
Sometimes dad was a chef working at the barbecue
I still can smell that smoke, as he'd cook a steak or two.
Sometimes he was a chauffeur driving here and driving there.
Sometimes we drove him crazy. (I'm surprised he still has hair.)
The years have come, the years have gone, but one fact still remains
Our dad is still there for us, some things just never change.
And looking back on all those years there's just one thing to say.
We love you dad and hope you have a super Father's Day.

Posting the letter I wrote to my dad probably a week before dad's day and couldn't send it across to you on that day though i was a little late by 2 days :P.I had conflicting views whether or not i should be sharing it with every one or should I keep it between me and you alone.Then decided to share it.I wanted everyone to know what i feel for my dad.

so here goes the letter written to my dad-

My dearest pappa,

where do I begin to even scratch the surface of the impact you've had on my
life. Dad, even in the midst of my successes, my problems and my
shortcomings, you have always accepted me as I am. I am in awe of your
strength, your integrity, and your painful endurance you deal with daily,
and mostly your faith in Lord. I only ask God to keep you safe and pain-free
for many, many years. You are the biggest source of my strength, especially
during the many conversations you and I have had during pivotal points in my
life. And I pray too that with all I'm going through at this point in my
life, I hope that I can somehow, someway come close to having your strength,
your faith, your boldness and your wisdom to endure all! I am extremely
blessed to have the presence of a beautiful, wonderful, loving father!!! YOU
ARE MY HERO!!!! I can never forget the hardships you have taken to bring me
to the level I am today. I remember the time when I was ill, you carried me
on your back & took me through hospitals. How can I forget that finger of
yours through whose support I stood up and began to walk. You provided me
the comfort even if you had to toil hard. Still, when I have grown up, you
become worried even with my slightest sneeze. Well this shows itself your
immense love for me. I can only say that *I want you to be my father when
ever i am born. *
You are the best. I love you so much. I don't think that even if I searched
the world for years and years and years I would find someone that is as
caring, as thoughtful, as hardworking as you are. I love you. Happy Father's
Day Dad! *You have been a great hero in my life,the greatest strength,Dad I
know that i don't say you often enough but i love you very much. You are the
greatest dad in whole world.* I wouldn't be where i am today without
you. *Thanks
for all you have done for me I love you*.Thank you for making me laugh even
when i was sad! Thank you for being that shining light in my darkest night!
Thank You for encouraging me to weave a new dream each morning, Thank you
for always being there for me in my sad days and also, the happy ones..!
Yes, i owe all that to you,*It's so hard to find a man that can love me like
only you can!* You're my SUPERMAN, BATMAN, and SPIDER MAN. Yes Daddy, You're
my BEST MAN!

Happy Fathers' Day!

Bodhayana amavasya

The Mahabharata war was at hand. Battle lines had been drawn and sides had been taken.
The huge armies of the Kauravas and the Pandavas had gathered on opposite sides.
Duryodhana, the instigator of all the problems, was in conference with his generals, Bheeshma, Drona and Karna.
“Well, the time is at hand,” said Duryodhana. “I want to find an auspicious day for us to start so we can be sure
of victory.”Drona said, “Duryodhana, listen carefully to me.
Sahadeva, the twin brother of Nakula and son of Madri, is a fount of knowledge.
He will be able to help you best with this. If you ask him to help you right after his morning bath and prayers
he cannot refuse you.”
Duryodhana said, “Drona, you are asking me to ask my enemy to help me? Sahadeva is a Pandava.
How can I trust his word?”
Drona reassured Duryodhana and said, “Don’t worry about that. Sahadeva will not utter a lie.
You can trust his word absolutely.”
So the next morning Duryodhana arranged to meet Sahadeva right after his prayers.
“Sahadeva, I know we are enemies,” said Duryodhana. “But I have come to ask you something.
You are duty-bound to tell me the truth.”
“What is it you want?” asked Sahadeva.
“Well”, said Duryodhana, “I would like you to consult the stars and tell me the best time to start battle so that our
armies may be victorious.”
Sahadeva agreed to help him and told him the right time to start the war for the Kauravas would be the coming
amavasya which was only a week away.
Duryodhana thanked him and went away. Now, Krishna overheard the entire conversation and was outraged.
“Sahadeva!” he said. “How can you help our enemies? Why didn’t you tell him a wrong day or refuse to help him
outright?”
Sahadeva said, “Krishna, you know I have to grant whatever one asks of me after my prayers.
And I will only speak the truth.”
Shaking his head in disbelief, Krishna walked away wracking his brain for an idea to save the day.
As he entered his tent, it struck him. Rushing out, he called the Pandavas to his tent.
There he said, “Sahadeva here has gone and told Duryodhana an auspicious time for the start of war.
If we allow them that, they will definitely win. No thanks to you Sahadeva!!!”
The Pandavas were understandably upset and Arjuna asked, “Isn’t there someting you can do, Krishna, to avert this?”
Krishna smiled and said, “I have an idea but I cannot tell you because then Sahadeva will be bound by his promise
to reveal it to Duryodhana. So just follow me implicitly.”
The next morning, Krishna took the Pandavas to the riverside and asked them to pray for their
deceased father (tarpanam). Now the Pandavas were confused.
Yudhisthira said, ‘Krishna why are you asking us to perform this ceremony today? It is not amavasya
when this is usually done.”
Krishna said, “I asked you to trust me. So do as I say.”
So the Pandavas started performing all the rites that were due for their father.
As they started praying, the gods in heaven were confused and started conferring among themselves.
The most confused, of course, were Surya (the sun god) and Chandra (the moon god).
Wondering what Krishna was doing and why, they decided to come down to ask him the reason for this strange
behaviour. The two came down together and asked Krishna, “What is the meaning of this?
Why are you performing these rites when it is not yet amavasya?”
Krishna smiled and said, “No it was not amavasya till the two of you came down together over here.
And now it IS amavasya since the moon and the sun are together. The battle can start today instead!!”
Heartened by this, the Pandavas declared the war had begun and an
outmanoeuvred Duryodhana was forced into battle before it was time. With clever manipulation,
Krishna had managed to keep Sahadeva’s prediction intact and yet make the war unwinnable for the Kauravas.
And because the sun and the moon had rushed down together out of their usual cycle,
there is an extra amavasya called the bodhayana amavasya

Can the Relationship Be Saved?

They get on that last nerve all the while oblivious to the damage they cause in another's life.

They’re rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, intrusive, self-absorbed and insensitive.
They are the difficult people in life. The button-pushers.

It’s nerve-wracking to confront a difficult person or put them on the spot to find they
always blame someone else. That they remain convinced it’s some other person’s fault and not theirs
at all is mind-boggling. So, what’s a person to do?

Dealing with a difficult person can be frustrating and exhausting,
someone who constantly rubs the wrong nerve and drives you crazy

some button-pushers act as though the world revolves around them.
They are constantly talking of their troubles and barely paying attention to someone else’s
and, “They have a diminished capacity for empathy for the feelings of others and perceive other people as nagging, blaming, persecuting, controlling, or —worst of all— insignificant”

Muruga's wedding and the holy ash

Parvathi was behind her son nagging as all mom's to get married.He was on the hillock of Palani


where Parvathi followed her son and ordered him to marry.He agreed after lot of persuasion from Parvathi-the wanted to be mother-in-law. Parvathi selected a girl whom she liked a lot and just adored the girl for her son who was a perfect match in every which way.Parvathi approached Subramanya(muruga) and seemed very excited,she told him oh the girl is so beautiful so kind so so so....with all positive adjectives that a girl would possess but in the end she added she is ME and you can't tell her apart.Parvathi meant she was perfect girl for him.Subramanya smiled and said am sorry mom I cant marry her.Parvathi was all furious and thought he din't wana get married at all and asked him to puke all the milk that she had fed him.He smiled and puked everything and the whole hill was covered with the milk that was consumed by Subramanya when he was a kid.Then Parvathi starts crying when subramanya consoles her and tells her mom if shes like you how can I marry her would a son marry his mom or someone who is mom like?please look for another girl.Then Parvathi realises and starts looking for other matches.She blesses him saying this would be used as the holy ash in your name and would retain all the fragrance that it is carrying now even after its dry.People would be cured of diseases consuming the milk you have spilled,their wealth would grow immensly applying it on their forehead and would always prosperous with its continual use, From that day on Subramanya was the god of health Wealth and Prosperity.

Story Time

Remembering days as a young gal when my grand mom used to tell me many many stories most of them used to be quite unheard from anyone before.She was a box of Pandora from which the stories never got over.It was all from the Hindu mythology which i used to enjoy a lot. I miss those stories now since she is no longer in a state where she can/could tell stories.In remembrance of those stories I shall try to narrate a few when ever am in a mood to :P

To start with I shall begin with a story on Lord Ganesha :

Ganesha, the elephant-headed god of Hindu mythology, has been quite beloved of all, children and adults.He is very famous especially with the teen girls who carry on worshiping him until their end. He is credited with a lot of intelligence and wisdom ..and come on...you just have to love a cute elephant!!! That too,one with a penchant for eating binges!!! (hehe i can relate with him on this) :P Tales of his intellectual prowess abound in Indian mythology, the story that follows is a well-loved one. It also results in the establishment of a well-known temple, Palani, for its other protagonist, Muruga, Ganesha's brother (watch this blog space for an upcoming series on temple tales). The story goes:
Once upon a time, the gods in heaven, set up a task force headed by Brahma to give a mango that contained all the knowledge of the universe to the most deserving god. Brahma approached Shiva and Parvati who were spending some quality time with the kids, Ganesha and Muruga(also known as Subramanya), in the Himalayas. Brahma said, "O Shiva, here is a fruit that represents the knowledge of this universe. We would like you to give it to the most deserving god."
Shiva said, "All right Brahma I will do it. Parvati, can you suggest to whom I should give this to?"
Parvati said, "I think Muruga and Ganesha are both equally deserving of this fruit. One is unmatched for his bravery and knowledge, the other for his intelligence and grace. How do we decide?" (no nepotism, of course, since gods are impartial!!!) Brahma and the retinue of devas agreed with Parvati.
Shiva mulled over this problem for a bit and said, "I have it! They can have a race to see who wins! The winner will get the fruit" (a strategy used by most parents even today to achieve results with siblings).
"But what kind of race?" asked Parvati.
"Well, let them both go around the world thrice and whoever comes back here first will win the mango," said Shiva.
So he called Muruga and Ganesha and explained the rules and what the prize would be. Both the brothers were excited at the prospect.
Muruga said, "Hah! Ganesha, you on your silly little mount (a rat) won't even have taken off and I will be back to win the prize!"
To which Ganesha said, "Well since you're so confident, and I know I can beat you, how about I give you a handicap? You can even do an entire round before I even start."
Muruga decided his brother had gone crazy or was being lazy and wanted to finish his lunch instead. So after bidding his parents goodbye and taking their blessings, he sat on his mount, a beautiful peacock, and took off around the world. After he finished one round, he saw Ganesha still seated where he was and finishing the remains of his lunch, with one modaka left on his plate. He thought to himself, "There's no way Ganesha can beat me now!!!" He waved at Ganesha, who waved back, and went on his way.
Now Parvati watched the whole exchange between the brothers and asked Ganesha worriedly, "Aren't you going to at least TRY to win the fruit? Muruga has a huge lead over you. And not that I don't love you, but you're a little out of shape!!! You had better hurry up!!"
"Dont worry, ma," said Ganesha. "I'm giong to win." Burping a little since he'd overeaten as usual, Ganesha washed his hands and face and smoothed out his clothes. He then summoned his little mount and approached Shiva and Parvati who were seated together. He said, "O mother and father, Shiva and Shakti, together you represent the entire universe. All the elements of the universe are enshrined within you. For me, you are the entire universe." He prostrated before them and with his hands folded went around them thrice lost in deep meditation and with utmost devotion. Amazed by his grace and knowledge and devotion, Shiva, Parvati, Brahma and the assembled gods blessed Ganesha and gave him the fruit.
Just then Muruga entered their presence with a triumphant smile when he saw Ganesha. He assumed Ganesha hadn't even tried to win. When he saw him holding the fruit instead, Muruga was furious. "What is the meaning of this?" he demanded. "I won the race and HE got the fruit?"
When Shiva explained what had happened, Muruga stormed off in anger to roam the earth and was later pacified as the deity of Palani .
And so, Ganesha is revered by all for his knowledge and wisdom and is beloved throughout India and even abroad. Go Ganesha! Om Namah Ganesha!(For a story of muruga and Parvathi click here it is about how the holy ash(vibhoothi)came into existence)

Hamlet in Indian Men

To be or not to be? – A question made Hamlet a tragic hero.
However in real life it is not so. But that is fiction. Facts are never this kind.
To be undecided is not going to make you a martyr.
Why then do we have a narcissistic tendency to procrastinate?
Why do we have cats on the fence, when they could be better off it?

“One of the key reasons for being indecisive”, “is fear of responsibility.”
When you decide then you have to face the consequences.
It is this fear that makes most men avoid taking decisions.
Ironically, men can be great achievers in the professional front, but become withdrawn in the personal side.
This could also be attributed to the mental make-up of men, agrees many psychologists.
Unlike women who prefer to thrash the issue and talk about it ,
why is it that men prefer to internalize things and this `retreat into the cave attitude’
makes them stall rather than go for it.

Traffic Woes...The cry and Crib

Knowing how it is to ride in the traffic and specially if its a very sunny day or day
when its profusely raining and above that if its dark
all the puddle and drains running- awww i'm sure only 2 wheeler riders would know the plight ! more so with all the metro work thats going on...
I don't understand how inconsiderate the 4 wheeler drivers can get! they never allow a 2 wheeler tto over take them :-( even its pouring cats and dogs, Don't they undestand and can't they be a little more considerate and allow the 2 wheelers to get past them - ah! how would they know we are the ones who are getting all drenched on a rainy day or all sweaty on a sunny day..

The days when we are working and when there is an off for other offices it is a true BLISS !
which is very rare..I had very few such days.
This year Ugadi to name one.Ours being a japanese company we were working
wow what a pleasure it was zooming off my pep plus
whooooooooosh !!! so i pretty well understand what Amit goes through commuting
to and fro five days a week..He is from Mumbai and used to traveling in trains say within 4 min
from station to station where even half a minute makes helluva difference..

Well coming to talk about Mumbai infact there is no less traffic I remember the day I was at the airport
to receive Amit.
I had taken a flight from Bangalore and due to flight delay I had reached at midnight 1
and amit reached at 4 from Europe ! I was all waiting without sleep and without my previous day's
dinner(All thanks to Air-India I never liked the taste on flights)
wanted to get back to our home and sleep but !!!! we were stuck at Mahape for solid 2-2 and half hours by the
time we reached home it was 7 and since it was already morning couldnt sleep for long.

But still the emotions involved in giving a surprise to Amit was more than pleasant
when he forgot taking his parents blessing having seen his wife - well this was my in-laws version :-) and i love believing it(Typical wife mmm may i say a typical senti/emotional romantic woman(?))
No offense meant they were happy about the sharing of emotions too.

I guess theres a lot more involved than the just the hustle bustle of the routine traffic..
I see it as more of a pleasure to travel longer when commuting together - what say?

Ah Ah I know now Amit would say the junction
where the vehicles used to jam up was because of the road work that was going on..
but imagine so much of traffic at morning between 4.30 and 6.30 AM.

Hmmm...what ever,but have seen the worst traffic almost everywhere these day be it
BANGALORE or be it MUMBAI or be it anywhere...

Chetan Bhagat-A Novelist and Banker(former)

Speech by Chetan Bhagat in Symbiosis Institute of Management:-

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a
marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no
point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the
marbles. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life.
Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being
excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is
not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a
pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another
50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so
worked up?


It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, take leave from
work, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices. :)

"Don't be serious, be sincere.”!!!

FEARS and UNDERSTANDING

understanding internal fear-
Here I am not going to talk much about external fears like fear of loosing money,
fear of being killed, fear of losing job, fear of not having food to eat, fear of natural calamity, fear of wild animals etc.
Do you have any more fears than these external fears?
If we look within then we will realize how many fears we have inside us,
how much troubled our internal state is, to what extent we are doing slavery of others, how much partantra we have within.
Till the time we do not do this exploration we feel that we are already swatantra or we do not have any such kind of fear within us.
In this process of exploration we also begin to realize that the external fears which we have,
which we face are the consequences of these internal fears only, which are residing inside a human being,
to which he is not aware of, to which he has never paid attention,
from which he has always been running away in one form or the other.

What are those internal fears?
Fear of loosing acceptance of people around, fear of loosing respect,
fear of being wrongly interpreted, fear of loosing trust of people around, fear of being considered “less”,
fear of losing importance, fear of loosing psychological security, fear of loosing dear ones and many more.
Do you feel that you have these fears? You might say no, but in reality you might find many.
Till the time we do not do this exploration we feel that we are free from these fears and others have them and
we keep judging them and criticizing them.
With more and more exploration we begin to realize that we are no different from a
rapist, terrorist, murderer, criminal, a office goer, a corporate leader, a labor or any other man.
It just requires a bit more of exploration within. Lets talk about some internal fears in different sections.

Fears in Relationships:-

Generally what we call Relationships in general language are based on our Attachments/Attractions.
We make a image of other person is our mind. If that image suits/matches to our imagination of a good person
then we start liking that person. With more and more time with that person dependence of our
Happiness on that person keeps increasing. This what is Attachment. It always comes with fears.
Fear of loosing acceptance of other person, fear of change in thinking, feelings and behavior of other person
towards us. As soon as it changes we get hurt and then blame other person that he/she breached my trust.
We want his acceptance back on any cost. We want him to be same with us on any cost. We get angry if that doesn’t happen.
This kind of fear is coming out of dependence. In such kind of dependence we are always uncertain about other person’s feeling, thinking and behavior towards us. We want consistency in other person’s feelings, thinking and behavior towards us in this case. If this doesn’t happen then we get hurt. This uncertainty, this fear, this contradiction within, these arguments which keep happening within us keep troubling us continuously.
We are lonely inside. We want to get rid of this loneliness. We keep searching for somebody who can quench this thirst in us which is manifesting itself as loneliness. When we get that person we get attached. Parellely we get fears of loosing. When other person with whom we are attached changes with us, we get hurt. A feeling of opposition, hatred, jealousy start coming in us. We keep troubling ourselves.

Fears of loosing value:-

Generally we recognize our value with association of something with us.
If I have something which makes me valuable then I feel that “I am” if I do not have any such thing then I feel “I am not”.
I like to feel that “I am” but it comes with several, several fears along with it.
Like I say that I am beautiful, I am intellectual, I am intelligent, I am at a very high position, I am powerful,
I am knowledgeable, I have contacts with many great people, I have good English,
I am of a particular religion, I am associated with a particular thought etc.
We recognize our value in association with something.
We feel comfortable and good with those who give value to us for the thing for which we consider ourselves
valuable and we feel uncomfortable with those who look down at us for the thing with which we recognize our value.
Like if I feel that I am a knowledgeable person then those who also consider me a knowledgeable person,
I feel comfortable and good with them. Those who do not,
I feel uncomfortable with them. I start getting a feeling of opposition for them.
If they look down at me and show me that I do not know anything then I start feeling withdrawn,
a feeling of hatred start coming into my mind for them, I even become violent.
Similar may be the case if I recognize my value on the basis of say, power, beauty, money, intellect, contacts etc.

If I meet a person who is “more” than me in the thing for which I recognize my value, then I start feeling “less”
and I want to become “more”. This gives rise to a rat race, competition, jealousy, hatred and violence.
Unfortunately we all are into it. All the religious wars, other wars, competitions, rivalries have their root cause in this.

What we also generally try to do is to use our “Will Power” to control this fear, but it doesn’t control it rather
it creates an environment of suffocation within. Like I say, “I will not have fear of loosing value or
I will not get attached now” but this doesn’t happen.
“Will Power”, Suppression don’t control fears rather creates suffocation within.
Consequences of Internal Fears:-

All these rivalries, quarrels, wars, religious riots, altercations, oppositions, hatred, jealousy, competitions,
violence are the outcome of this internal fear only.
Due to this internal fear only we make an environment which causes external fears like wars between countries,
insecurities in countries, wars and insecurities within the countries, lack of production, more and more of consumption, lack of assurance in continuity of production, lack of assurance in distribution, insecure environment, insecurity in job, insecurity in living, insecurity in relationships, lack of assurance in relationships, altercations in family, unhappiness within, fear within, insecurity within.

This all starts with this internal fear. What we are currently trying to do is to change the
external environment to get rid of this fear,
but in reality it is the internal environment which need to be changed to get rid of internal as well as external fears.
Like what we do is we accumulate more and more weapons so that we are secure from other country,
we accumulate more and more power and resources so that we have the assurance of
security and resources needed in future.
We make rules and regulations, law and order to control the society and individual to maintain harmony,
we do division of property and several judicial activities in family to maintain the harmony and
several more things in which instead of making the place harmonious we are making it more and more fearful.
At the level of individual we try to get associated with something so that we are valued by others and
we become psychologically secure.
Change has to come inside the human being and not in the system which human has made.
Without the change inside the human being the change which is made outside is not going to be sustainable.
It is not going to make a human being fearless.

Escapism:-

If we see ourselves then almost all our activities are happening for the sake of escaping from
fear rather than to understand it. When we are lonely we go to some restaurant, to a movie,
to some amusement park or to some other place where we feel we will have fun.
We make new friends or we keep searching for somebody who can make us feel good to get rid of this
loneliness which is residing within us and is killing us continuously.
We leave the friends who are now unable to make us feel good and make new friends.
We get associated with a new group, get associated with a new thought, new set of people,
make a new guru, start reading new books and other things.
Most of the time the thing which we are doing is the escapism from the fear.
We try to substitute fear with a thing which can not be substituted by that and it rather gives rise to many other problems
which we have already seen. We see that there is something missing in our lives which we do not know what that is and we search that thing in those things which can give us that. This is what is escapism.
Cause of Fear and a word towards solution:-
In one line it can be said that cause of internal fear in a human being is lack of understanding
of him,
himself in him and ultimately this internal fear itself becomes the cause of all the external fears,
insecurities, lack of peace, wars, world wars etc.
Due to lack of understanding in a human being of him himself,
he recognizes himself in association with something like power, position, beauty, intellect, contacts with others,
others perception towards him etc.
This is what becomes the cause of attachment, cause of wrong evaluation of oneself,
ego in oneself and expectation from others to keep the evaluation consistent, right and good.
When others do that a human being feels good other wise bad and start getting a feeling of opposition for other person. This feeling of opposition for other person comes due to lack of understanding of oneself only. This feeling of opposition within ultimately becomes the cause of violence outside, so it is the internal environment which needs to be changed in a human being.
Ultimately the content of study for a human being is him himself. Due to lack self knowledge we blame others for this feeling of breach of trust, disrespect, opposition, hatred, jealousy and many others and then want to change them. This process leads to violence.
In our entire education system we give only technical education, trained to compete, trained to become violent, trained for race, trained to become more and more successful and accumulate more and more. The more one accumulates the more is given respect, recognition. The more is one valued. Current education system is generating violent literates rather than responsible educated people. In this education the thing which is taught is, “How to earn a living?” but there is no education on “How to live?”. Effectively we training people how to make a knife without teaching them what it is used for and what is its purpose, so it is being used for murders.
At this point it is clear that there is a need for increase in human understanding of himself. What is the content of this understanding? There are only two questions which a human being has in his life. What he wants? and How can he achieve it?
What he wants? Happiness, Prosperity, Relationships, Fearlessness in Society and Co-existence in Nature.

How can he achieve it? With increase in understanding in every individual about Self, Relationships,
Trust, Respect, Prosperity, Family, Fearlessness, Society and Nature.
This entire thing need to be included in the course of study in education system. hmm.....uh????

Fairy Tale blames

The Fairy tales are the ones to be blamed.The ones that we were told as kids The ones that spoke of princesses marrying princes,
and then living ‘…happily ever after’. Perhaps it is this conditioning that makes us so convinced about the need for
eternal happiness with our partner. However, it would be unfair to think that such a need is only the product of
conditioning. Each one of us does need to feel that life will be secure and comfortable with our loved one,
that we will continue to receive the understanding and support and love that we have always wanted from them-ALAS!in most cases it isn't true,infact n o ne of the cases its true.Again it may be a variable more of negativity :-)
…Stability, intimacy and trust, these are non-negotiable human needs.
In more mundane terms this works out to people seeking a guarantee of future happiness.
Will I be happy ever after with …is the question in most youthful lovers’ minds.
What a great thing if all these could be answered with a resounding ‘Yes’! But the truth is, that in most lives,
there will be some episodes of heartbreak, some unsatisfactory endings, before we find the partner perfect for
the happy ending.(?)

Moreover, even after we have found the perfect partner,
we still have our work cut out for us, ensuring the understanding and intimacy we seek.
Relationships between spouses, more than any other kind, are susceptible to the ‘taken for granted’ syndrome.
When we begin to feel so secure and unshakable, that our partner loves us so much that nothing could ever go
wrong, that any kind of behaviour on our part is acceptable to our spouse, then we could actually be in big trouble!

The need for a fairy tale ‘ever after’ type of relationship right at the beginning in a man-woman equation also
means an unwillingness to take any risks. What a person seems to want is an assurance that he or she will never
get hurt or disappointed. But the truth is that negotiating all this and more is finally what leads you to a
better understanding of yourself, your partner, and life. How can all this be achieved by putting nothing at stake?

If you are tempted to seek an ‘ever after’ guarantee in your own relationship just consider the following:

· Is the biggest obstacle standing between you and happiness in your relationship your own fear,
rather than any shortcomings in your partner?
· Do guarantees in any sphere of life really work in a foolproof manner?
This includes business and all those things that stop working around your home!
· By emphasizing doubts, uncertainty, and worries right at the beginning, are you getting the best out of your
partner?
· Can you replace such doubts, uncertainty and anxiety with trust and love, and see better results?
· Are you seeking an ‘ever after’ ending for your relationship to compensate for other disappointments,
such as troubled relationships with family or friends?
· If so, is it really fair to put so much burden on a single tie?
Yes, receiving the love and trust you need in this particular tie will help to ease the pain of others.
But that expectation should not be your starting point.

If you are teetering on the edge of commitment waiting for a sign or green light from some divine
power that guarantees your happiness, wait no longer.
The power to be happy in your relationship rests with you, as does the responsibility!

Friendship between happy couples

Couples come together for companionship, romance,love, sex, economic survival,
friendship or some other reason. The most important of all is friendship.
Without friendship, all else falls apart. Friendship is the essence of human relationships.
It is the bond which glues the couple to see through thick and thin.

Some couples confide in each other. Some confide in their respective buddies.
Why is a spouse or partner not comfortably engaged as a buddy? There are reservations.
It’s demoralizing to have someone you hold in high esteem to know your latest problem.
It’s especially sensitive in men who are afraid of wounding their ego.
There can’t be a happy couple when both are wearing masks and playing charades.
In friendship, there’s trust enough to let down your guard and come clean with your problems.
Knowing that the other will always be there for you melts away the worries.
Humor helps to keep anxieties in the proper perspective.Get cracking on the jokes. Share domestic humor.
Crack up and not break up is a good motto to follow.

Weekend

The past week has been a very stressful one at work for me and I am sure that many of you probably had very similar experiences. When I am faced with this kind of situation, there is nothing more I would like to do during the weekend than to stay at home and recharge – well, maybe going to the restau or a movie(but that is not always possible).
Anyway this week end was pretty happening had couple of guests arriving one after the other and finally we were out for dinner when the downpour started and knowing the unpredictability of bangalore's rain we stayed back at mamma's.though wasn't feeling too comfy to be there - reasons unknown, may be i preferred staying at our own mansion :P - you c wanted to feel all cozy.hmmm alas! as usual ..not that i do not like being at mamma's, though very relaxing for me for sure but this weekend could have been better than the best.Sunday was not all that happening it was 2 strangers under one roof :)

Difficult life

One of the people i know is having "bad time" of her life this made me do some thinking some search and here's what i found

I read this blog and somehow could relate certain things to it hence posting it here,Its a blog of a doctor :


Why do some women end up with losers or abusers?


The answer - abusive men are often exciting. Their passion, when properly applied, can be quite captivating. Unfortunately, they frequently use that same passion when they become upset to inflict evil upon a woman. Often their victims say that their rage seemed to appear “out of nowhere.”

In addition, many women in this situation often use this phrase, “I know what he did was bad, but when he’s good, he’s sooo good. This bad stuff isn’t really him. I know the person he truly is.” What’s sad is that they often see this man as someone who is basically good who just happens to lose his temper on occasion.


What they, need to remember is what James Allen once said:
“Circumstances don’t make a man, they reveal him.”


If a man ever hits a woman that violent nature was inside of him before he ever met that woman. She did not cause or contribute to that violent nature, nor is she responsible for it.

The Palace

Here this gentleman is worried about his comforts,his parents his siblings,his friends his family and wants his wife to be with him. He does not offer any help. In fact when she finds it difficult to manage the house and office work, he is very unsympathetic. He says women have always managed worse situations, so his wife does not need any special help.What do you tell such a personality?How does one make such a person understand his wife’s need for extra care and comfort?and more so when his wife isn't a very healthy person? He subjects her to verbal abuse and is a very uncaring husband. Wonder how he will handle his child?

There are many women under similar situation. Many women are there who have unsupportive husbands and still they manage to pull on in their marriage. They are very stressed and soon their health takes a toll.

Since divorce is not an option for many of these women, they have to be taught coping skills so as to cope with their unhappy marriage. They have to be taught to pull their inner strength and make some meaning of their lives. They must be taught to form support groups and seek some form of relaxation. It is an uphill task, but a majority manage. Hopefully their husbands will change watching their coping skills.

Normally when a partner wishes the other would change, the other one will resent it.It is basically to do with one’s personality. If one lacks sympathy and empathy, then no amount of education will help.No psychiatry would ever help,it all helps when a person is ready to accept a change. These are inborn qualities. Your wife is your life partner, you are supposed to share all her/your joys and problems. A a husband one is duty bound to care for her. Even illiterate men are concerned about their wives’ health, In present times, husbands accompany their wives for their medical check-ups and make sure they do not face too many hardships.

After All the realisation dawns when it is too late "Why marry?" to be in paradise with lots of unceasing love and care?The promises the talks the dreams dreamt before marriage all go in vain..the palace crashes to ash ! Embracing death remains the only solution(.?)what would be more peaceful and soothing to a burning heart