Does absence really make heart grow fonder?

Both partners are young, recently married, healthy…but both are miles apart. Not in the emotional separation that signals a problem marriage, but in the sheer physical distance that sometimes separates couples who have to live in different cities due to their jobs being at different locations.

This can be such a tough situation to handle that it ranks high on the list of stress factors for marriage. And yet, many thousands of couples have to endure separation before they can somehow set up home together again.Whether it is a couple where the husband has decided to work in the Gulf leaving wife and child behind at home, or a couple in two transferable government jobs struggling to move authorities for a common posting, or a couple of software engineers who are often working on projects at distant locations – the phenomenon of the absent spouse does affect many marriages around us. Some jobs, like being in the merchant navy, also mean that a husband will be away at sea for long periods, while others in the armed forces mean not only that a partner will be away, but his or her personal safety will also be continuously at risk.

I was married and my husband had to leave for an overseas appointment at Europe on the 6th day of marriage.The rituals were on until the last minute e hardly had the time to meet up.Infact we never met even once after our engagement for 4 months we directly met on the pedestal set up at the kalyan mantap and then it was 6 days of togetherness..or should i call it one- errr am a bit confused.We were surrounded by people mosta times.No honeymoon even until now :) was there a true celebration within me?was I really happy to be married to my dream man at that point of time?I was supposed to join him which fortunately or unfortunately never happened - all thanks to his company !
“Though it was a matter of just three months, I found it so difficult. After you have lived together, any absence is really hard to bear.”I guess its a very difficult and important difference that a gal goes through probably the man too. A partner’s absence after marriage is different from being far from him or her before marriage. “While love letters and phone calls can console you and keep you going when you are engaged, you really miss the person you are married to much more deeply,”

A physical absence also means that there are difficulties in taking the marriage to the next stage of commitment – that of parenting and children. It is hard for any couple to plan and conceive a child if they are meeting only once in a few months.
Often, the decision to have a child is put off because neither partner wants to put the wife through the difficulty of pregnancy and parenting all by herself..

Sometimes a husband’s absence for long periods means that a wife becomes so self-sufficient and
independent that she has problems re-adjusting and giving him the ‘head of the house’ title on his return.
“I have been used to my husband’s long periods away from me time and again,” The love certainly doesnt cease but expression and values decrease,
“In his absence I handled everything – from taking care of little things to money to everything...
When my husband used to return it always took me some time to again get used to his way of doing things.
We stopped short of arguments, but just about !
I found it hard to give up my independence when he was around once more to shoulder responsibilities.”

True, absence can make the heart grow fonder… the person we miss, that presence, its endearing qualities, all the things we said and did together, are bound to have an impact on us, making us much more appreciative of the one who is not there with us.
But absence can also weaken the bonds of marriage or relationship, by the challenges it throws in our paths. Much maturity and a genuine love and commitment towards our partners is needed to face such challenges.